Drifting (HAZEL FIC)

[NOT PROOFREAD <3]
Hazel had half expected to be laid down on a couch for his first therapy session like they always did in movies. And to be asked odd questions about his dreams, which the therapist would analyze to conclude whatever sort of weird childhood trauma he had repressed, which would then result in even more pills and medications than the energy-stabilizers and power-repressors he had already been put on. Of course, that had not been the case. Therapy, as it turned out, was mostly just awkward. It unfolded the first time much like it did today. Hazel’s leg bounced up and down, seated upon a plush gray armchair across from an middle-aged man – who Hazel never quite caught the name of – who asked him questions such as: “how are you feeling today?” or “on a scale of 0–10, how content are you with your life?” and other sorts of questions where apparently it wasn’t okay to simply state that you were fine. Which he was. He had decided that this was how things were going to be when he had lost interest in continuing on as a Godia Warrior – which this man didn’t understand, he had wanted to be discharged. Even if it meant elevating his energy levels beyond what was considered “safe.” That perhaps hadn’t been the best idea. Even now as he was being tapped into his energy-stabilizers, he could feel the after-effects of hyper-energia. The way his heart would randomly gallop for seemingly no reason, his skin would crawl for movement, the random sweating… yeah, it hadn’t been his brightest idea. But it had worked, he no longer worked in law enforcement.

Arms crossed, his eyes darted to the clock on the wall above the painting of horses running across some grassy field. How was there still 20 minutes left of this? And some people paid handsomely to be in this situation. He didn’t understand. But he was also forced to go. He met the eyes of his therapist who was looking at him expectantly. He had asked how he was feeling. Hazel had said fine. Now, the room was uncomfortably silent while the clock ticked, ticked, ticked. Hazel sighed.

“Really. I’m fine.”

“No difficult emotions at all? This is a judgment free room, Hazel.”

“Absolutely none.”

“Mhm.” The therapist noted something down on the notepad on his lap. Something about the way he frowned told Hazel that wasn’t an acceptable answer. Then the therapist shifted, looking intently at Hazel once again. “It’s been two months since your discharge. How have you been adjusting?”

“It’s been alright.” Hazel shrugged, scratching his cheek and looking out towards the window. “My parents' place isn’t so bad.”

And it wasn’t. There were definitely worse places to live. Although, he could deal without his mom dragging him to all those Delianistic healers and green earthy potions she insisted would ‘fix’ his alignments, whatever that meant. It gave her peace of mind, though. He really shouldn’t complain about having parents who cared.

“The events leading up to your discharge were pretty intense, though. Nearly nine months since your… partner left the Godia Warriors Academy.” Hazel’s gaze shifted to the therapist. Partner… Boyfriend. And he hadn’t left as much as he had tried to kill himself. But who kept track of such trivial details? “How do you feel about that?”

It took all his willpower not to roll his eyes. Again with the feelings. “I’m… okay, really.”

“Have you heard anything from him since?”

“No.”

“How do you fee-” “Fine, I said.”

The silence stretched out one again in the small office and Hazel cringed at himself for snapping. Couldn’t blame a guy for doing his job. He shrunk back on the couch, glancing at the clock again. “I hope he’s okay, of course. But I’m fine. I didn’t have it as bad as him.” The reaction from the fellow warriors, he meant. The jokes and the teasing, sure, he had been subject to that too. But he couldn’t blame them for that. It had been unconventional. No one had any bad intentions, it was just an unfortunate situation.

The therapist nodded sympathetically and Hazel sighed, shifting in his seat. “Can we end this early? I have somewhere I need to be.”

—

Out on the street, staring down at his phone at the 12 outgoing calls, Hazel frowned. Pocketing the device, he started walking in a some direction. He wasn’t quite ready to go home and do nothing yet. And he didn’t want to give in and leave another frankly embarrassing voicemail he knew would probably get deleted immediately. He buried his hands in his pockets. The streets were busy today, people enjoying what was very likely to be the last week of summer of the season. Couples holding hands, dog walkers, people on their way home from work. Everyone lived their own lives, it seems. Then there was Hazel, on his 8th walk today. He had nowhere better to be. At least therapy gave him a reason to get out of his parents house, despite being completely useless.

—

“Hey, sorry for calling again, I just wanted to… well, say hello,” Hazel spoke into the phone, looking out into the garden from the window of his childhood room. It was in full bloom, nearing harvest. The sun was setting earlier and earlier, the sky already a shade of deep orange. “I know I’ve been calling a lot lately, sorry. It’s just, it’s been nine months and…” fuck. “Well, I miss you and stuff. I hope you’re okay.”

He was silent for a moment, watching his dad harvest the ripe fruit trees. So much for not wanting to leave more embarrassing voicemails. “Anyways, you can reach out to me if you ever wanna talk? About everything. I assume you’re out of the hospital by now and–” A hand carted through his hair. “Well, it’s also okay if you’re not. Take your time, you know? No worries.”

He turned, walking to the other end of the room, hand dashing over the leaves of a potted plant. Disappointing, ever since his powers got blocked. He missed the energy, everywhere. “But you can just… shoot me a text or call or… well, swing by my parents place. I’m always home. The alyssums are blooming, I know those were always your favorite and…”

He sat down on his bed. “But, yeah… That’s just what I wanted to say. I love y-”

He looked down at the phone as the battery went dead and the screen went dark. He frowned and sighed. He laid back on the mattress, looking up at the ceiling. Maybe he should just go to bed early.