Brotherly advice and scoldings [Idés & Gwyn]

The tears didn’t stop. No matter how far she walked, or how long –she didn’t even know if it had been long or short–, they just didn’t stop flowing. Hanging her head low as Gwyn walked the unknown streets of Erast, she hoped no one would look at her too closely. So that no one would notice the tears that dripped from her chin or the slight shake of her shoulders as she tried to cry as silently as she could. She didn’t even dare to wipe them away, afraid someone would approach her to ask her if she was okay.

Because she wasn’t.

Everything that Dominic had yelled at her kept on repeating itself, a cruel form of torture inflicted by her own mind. As though it wanted to constantly remind her that she shouldn’t be around. Shouldn’t have gone to the party, shouldn’t have gone to ICU. That she just should have hidden it and act like nothing ever happened. Maybe then she would have been… happier. She would still have her friends, maybe she would’ve found a job by now. Managed a cute apartment by herself and who knows, gotten over fucking Emmett enough to be in a relationship again, and not pine for things that didn’t exist..

But ‘should have’ didn’t do her any good now. She couldn’t turn back time, she couldn’t undo anything that led up to this. All she could now was feel the hurt and listen to her poisonous mind. Even though she shouldn’t.

A gust of wind blew into her face, making her hair stick to her wet cheeks. They tickled, but the sensation quickly irritated her. Roughly wiping her hair out of her face, Gwyn looked up for the first time. The alley in which she stood was basically deserted, piles of dumped trash bags resting against the lone lamp post that was there. Nothing around her sparked any memory of where she might have gone, but how could it? She had walked the Erast streets only twice before. The first time she was led, the second she got specific instructions on how to get to the supermarket. Biting down on her lip, Gwyn turned to look around her. The alley was narrow, lingered with dirt and broken debris from what looked like crates. How had she even ended up in the alley? Maybe if she walked out of it, she could see where she was.

Resuming her way, she also noticed that her tears had stopped flowing. Must have emptied them, Gwyn thought to herself as she exited the alley. The street in which she now stood didn’t spark any recognition. A light sense of dread started to form in the pit of her stomach. Where was she? But that wasn’t the question she should ask herself. ‘Where was she to go’ was a better one. Gwyn had left HQ, but hadn’t thought about where she could go. Not that she was able to even think clearly in that state, however it nagged on her now. Aside from her phone, she had nothing on her person. The belongings she had taken with her were still at HQ and there was no chance that she would be allowed to set foot in it now. Gwyn could kiss her stuff goodbye.

A few meters down the street stood a graffiti-clad bench, and now that her crying finally had stopped Gwyn felt… tired. She wanted to rest, just a little bit and get her thoughts straight. Or at least straight enough to figure out what she should do. Worrying her lip with her teeth as soon as she set down, Gwyn tried to go over her options but her mind started with all the options she didn’t have. Going back to university or home to Paendley were two of them. Neither could she call the people that were her former friends. But she could call Idés. He was a friend, wasn’t he?

A guilty feeling crawled over her skin at the idea, because it meant she had to ask him to help her for a third time and she hadn’t done a thing in return. It almost looked like he had to keep on cleaning the mess she made, and she didn’t want him to feel like she was using him or the goodness of him. But what other choice did she have? She couldn’t stay on the streets, nor return.

Taking her phone out of the front pocket of her hoody, Gwyn unlocked her phone and opened up the contacts list. Many names of the people that she was once close with went by before she landed on Idés. Just as she was about to tap the call button behind his name, her thumb stilled in the air. She couldn’t… She just couldn’t bother Idés again with her problems, involving him in the discord she created by her own doings.

But what other option did she have?

Pressing the button, Gwyn brough the phone to her ear –not bothering with the speaker option like she usually did– and waited for Idés to pick up. Her phone rang once, twice, thrice. Letting it continue to ring a few more times, Gwyn was about to end the call. She figured that Idés might be busy, too busy and she couldn’t blame him for it. Just before she was able to press that red button though, she heard the warm timbre of his voice over the line. All her hurt, rage and sadness slammed into her once more. The tears started to fall rapidly again and Gwyn cried. Letting it all out as she tried to tell Idés what happened and where she was, even if she didn’t know herself. Her speech was mostly incomprehensible, but she managed to make one sentence clear enough for him to hopefully understand.

‘’Please, get me away from here.’’

Despite what could only be described as an extremely tumultuous month, Idés had had a really good week. The progress he was making on his current project, reconnecting with Edita, discovering a new angle to research – everything seemed to run smoothly, for once and therefore,  Idés was in a good mood. Walking down the hallway to his laboratory, his arms wrapped around a box filled with books, greeting some passing students with a smile when his phone started ringing in the pocket of his lab coat. 

He came to a stop. 

His arms were full. 

He assessed the situation for a moment.

He lifted his leg, using his thigh to balance the heavy box as he fished his phone out of his pocket. He accepted the call. Pinning the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he continued down the hallway.

“Hello,” he spoke into the phone, his tone chipper.

The smile completely faded from his face when he heard Gwyn crying through the phone. He used his elbow to open the door to his laboratory, it closed behind him as he walked inside. His brows furrowed as he tried to make sense at what she was saying. He placed the box on his work table and then grabbed his phone properly, turning and leaning his back against the table.

His stomach dropped. He didn’t understand much, but what he could make of it, he knew this was serious. What the hell happened, though, he didn’t know – he’d only really caught that Dominic was involved somehow and that Gwyn was seriously upset. And one sentence was more than clear: Please, get me away from here.

He got almost nauseous from the guilt twisting in the pit of his stomach. He should’ve checked in on what the situation was like earlier, he had seen for himself how Dominic and Gwyn had bickered the last time he had been at HQ. That was over a week ago now, wasn’t it? He had neglected his responsibility, if things were bad at HQ, then he was to blame. He had brought her there, causing everyone unnecessary stress. Dominic had a lot on his plate to begin with and everyone knew he could get aggressive when he was under pressure, which Idés had done little to relieve. And Gwyn, of course, was there under different circumstances than most. Everything had happened very fast, so Idés sure hadn’t had time to properly explain how things worked when he had brought her to HQ. And last time he was there, Gwyn had gotten a migraine – which really, he should have checked in on that too. Not to mention that the EFA were strangers to Gwyn, she didn’t have anyone to ask. 

He clenched his eyes shut for a moment. He had just returned to life as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Shit. Things were never ordinary, were they? He opened his eyes, running a hand through his hair. He had to fix this mess now.

“Take a deep breath for me, alright, Gwyn?” He tried softly and as he told her, he did the same. It was no use to Gwyn if he was despairing or beating himself up. He tapped his index finger against his work table. From what he could make out, she had left HQ and sitting around somewhere in Erast definitely wasn’t safe. So he’d have to figure out where she was, first and foremost.

“I’ll come get you. Do you know where you are?” He said, heading towards his computer so that he could locate her.

Through her tears, through the tumultuous feelings that raced through her, Gwyn tried to do as Idés asked her. The deep breath she took was shaky, as was the exhale but it helped a bit to hear Idés breath with her on the other side of the line. A new rush of tears fell from her face, despite the breath she just took, paired with stark relief when Idés told her he’d come pick her up. His question as to where she was, made her look around. Gwyn couldn’t see a street sign, nor something she recognised.
‘’I-i…’’ Stammering, she turned her body as she sat, hoping that maybe there was something behind her that could indicate where she was. ‘’I don’t know where I am.’’ Her words came out thickly, her throat feeling as if there was a stone stuck in it. How could Idés ever find her if she didn’t know where she was?

‘’I have been walking,’’ sniffing, Gwyn dragged the sleeve of her hoody over her cheeks to dry them – a futile action, ‘’but I didn’t look where I went… I don’t recognise anything.’’ She felt her lower lip quiver, and new tears burn her eyes. How could she be so stupid to not pay any attention to where she went or where she was.
‘’I’m so sorry, Idés.’’ For calling him, for having gone to him that day, for relying on him.

By some miracle, Idés had managed to get her location. Or maybe it was a miracle to her and easy for Idés but she was fucking glad all the same. Having her promise to stay right where she was –as Gwyn managed to have a near dead phone battery–, they ended the call.

Fidgeting with her phone in her hand, making herself not use the device as she waited for Idés, she stared in front of her. Try as she might, Dominic’s words kept on repeating itself. And each time the loop restarted, there was something added to it by her own destructive mind. You’re not worth the trouble. No one wants you around. You’re a pariah. You’re useless. Pinching her eyes shut, Gwyn pulled the hood further down. She brought her knees to her chest, essentially folding herself on that bench and rested her forehead against her knees. Hoping that she could just disappear if she tried hard enough to be invisible.

At some point, the sound of an engine reached her ears. Just a car passing by, she told herself. Her body had started to get slightly sore from the position she was in, but she had no energy to stretch her legs and let the blood flow freely in her veins. The car didn’t pass, or so it seemed. It kept on running and if she were hearing it correctly, the car was in front of her. But what if it’s some kind of creep? Gwyn cautiously looked up, glanced from underneath the hood that she had pulled over her head when she had left HQ.

A whimper left her, followed by tears when she took in the old and slightly rusty car that belonged to Idés. She might have croaked his name, seeing him sitting behind the steering wheel. Sobs rattled her body and she was afraid she might not be able to stand with the way she shook.

"I-I don’t know where I am. I didn’t look where I went… I don’t recognize anything."

As Gwyn spoke, Idés powered up his computer, opening a program and plugging in his phone with a cord the moment she confirmed she had no clue where she was. “Okay, just give me a moment to–”

“I’m so sorry, Idés.”

Idés frowned. He shook his head as he started typing on the keyboard, beginning to track the call.

“Nothing to be sorry for. We’ll figure this out. It’s good you called me,” he said reassuringly, as the program worked its magic. He sighed in relief when a result finally popped up, revealing that Gwyn had not walked that far. A 15-minute drive at the most.

“There. I have your location right here.”

He sent the location to his phone and got up, unplugging the cord.

“Stay where you are, I’ll come pick you up. Call me if something happens before I get there, alright?”

And with that, the phone call ended, and Idés headed out. From the lush, green university campus, to the parking lot, to the dirtied streets where he grew up. A growing, heavy feeling weighed down on his chest. This mess was his fault. Perhaps he had messed up from the moment he had brought her to HQ – because now, she definitely couldn’t go back to the way things were, and now things were bad. A decision he had made in the spur of the moment that might possibly have ruined the rest of her life. He had really messed up. And on top of that, he had neglected the responsibility he had, making the EFA a more stressful place for everyone. No one deserved that. He couldn’t allow himself to forget that people depended on him too. His people, his friends. He failed everyone when he allowed himself to be too engrossed in his work.

Smoking out the rolled-down window, he kept an eye on the GPS on his phone. He shook his head. He had to focus on his surroundings because her location was coming up. A figure caught his eye, someone curled up on a graffitied bench. He didn’t recognize her at first. It was Erast, after all; at first, he thought it was a homeless person or a junkie. But then the phone pinged, indicating that he had reached his location, and he realized that the person was Gwyn. And then he felt even more guilty.

He parked the car, taking a breath, trying to set aside the mounting guilt. Then their eyes met, and he saw the tears there, and he realized that that was a battle already lost. Instead, he turned off the engine and got out of the car, walking to her.

“Hey, you,” he said softly, in the same voice he’d use with his younger sister when she had been upset growing up. She looked so out of it and frail, that he was almost afraid she'd fall if she tried to stand. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he helped her to her feet. “I got you. Let’s go to my place and figure this out, okay?”

The genteel manner in which Idés talked to her as he had gotten out of his car, almost made her want to cry even harder. A mix of gratitude and guilt swirled inside her, and she couldn’t decipher which one she should feel more. Gratitude for Idés coming to pick her up, or guilt that she had messed up this bad that he had to come pick her up. If only she had laid low, if only she’d kept her mouth shut when he had brought her over. Then she wouldn’t have their dislike from the moment she had stepped in. Maybe things would’ve been better.

Burying her face against him as Idés wrapped his arm around her shoulders to help her up, Gwyn wrapped her own arms around his middle and stood still. Just for a few moments, she needed a hug just for a few moments. Even though it was her who did most of the hugging. Even with her eyes closed, the tears still leaked through. Slightly soaking the shirt Idés was wearing. Pulling away, Gwyn nodded and made to wipe the tears from her face. With Idés arm around her shoulders, she let herself be guided to the passenger side of his car. Getting in after Idés opened the door for her, Gwyn mindlessly reached for the seatbelt and put it on. A few seconds later, Idés got in too and not long after they drove away from Erast, to his home.

Even though she’d known him for a while now, it occurred to Gwyn that she never knew where he lived. They never talked about his home. Whenever they talked, it was either about his work and research or Gwyn tattering on about whatever. How selfish of you, a voice said to her. You never asked him about his personal life. Dominic was right about you. You’re nothing but a selfish, naïve and whiny child.

As her thoughts once again started to spiral, Gwyn just stared ahead of herself without really seeing where they were driving. She didn’t even know if Idés attempted to make small talk or if the radio was on. The tiredness came back, too. She didn’t have the strength right now to cry, to muster her tears that had plagued her for the past time finally relenting. Unconsciously she had also started to pick on a bit of loose cuticle on the side of her right thumb. Wringing her hands together, she started to somewhat notice how cold her hands were, despite it not being cold inside the car. Maybe it was because her body was too tired to warm her hands, or maybe it was because something was wrong with her like everyone thought.

The abrupt cease of the rumble of the engine made Gwyn snap out of her thoughts. Idés had parked the car at the side of a street, and when she looked around for the first time since she had gotten in, it surprised her that she recognised the street they were in. Across from where they were parked stood the coffee shop where she often had gone to grab herself a cup of coffee or to study whenever her dorm had become too stuffy. It had been a perfect walking distance, and she always enjoyed the walk to and from, as it let her walk past some of the older buildings of Ilomar’s University Campus.

‘’Campus?’’ Gwyn asked Idés softly, her face just a tad bit confused. Not slightly sure if they were at his home, or if he needed to make a stop for something. Like coffee, to deal with her mess. She wouldn’t blame him. Gwyn would maybe need a bottle of wine to be able to deal with her own mess right now. She eyed the building again, taking in the brown brick of the corner building, the top part of it had a Medeianian style concrete decoration that she had always found quite charming, the overgrowing ivy that covered most of the building being the cherry on top to make this building look almost regal. The forest green round awnings that were placed above all the windows each wore the café’s name on the bottom, its colour matching with the windows and the entrance. Black iron lamps hung against the brick wall between the windows, to shed a comforting light during the rainy days and nights. She’d spend so much of her time here, drinking probably the best coffee she ever had during her study sessions or need to be away from all those warlocks she’d once called her roommates.

Gwyn surprised him when she wrapped her arms around him, crying softly into his shirt. He frowned, before hugging her back and for a moment, they just stood there in silence. Idés had the hunch that he was supposed to say something comforting. But he didn’t know what he could possibly say to fix this situation, so instead, he just let her cry, feeling just slightly helpless – he was good at fixing problems, not necessarily at dealing with emotions. When she pulled back, he offered her smile, rubbing her shoulder. Then, he guided her to his car.

Soon after, they were driving back towards campus, in silence. Idés still wasn’t sure what to say. Gwyn had always been the talkative one out of the two of them. And from the blank stare on her face, it didn’t really seem like she even wanted to talk. Instead Idés turned up the radio, to drown out the awkward feeling that he was supposed to be doing more to cheer her up. His fingers drummed on the steering wheel, trying to make some sort of a plan. First things first, he’d have to text Dominic to let him know that Gwyn was safe – Iosta knew the man was probably coming undone from the worry. Then Idés would have to figure out what this whole situation was all about. Whatever had happened between the two, it had to be something they could solve. It had to be, because Gwyn really couldn’t stay with Idés for long. It was too risky with him living so close to campus. Once again Idés felt terribly guilty. Had he ruined Gwyn’s entire life on a hunch?

Soon, the familiar street in front of the café came into view and Idés parked the car.

Campus? Gwyn spoke, looking confused. That’s when it occurred to Idés that she probably had no clue where he lived – that was on him, for never sharing anything about himself. He could feel guilty about that later. For now, he nodded, offering a slight, reassuring smile as he turned and removed the key from the ignition.

“Yeah. We’ll go in around the back. Keep your hood up, if we go in fast no one will notice that you’re here.” He hoped. But really, where else could he take her? They just had to hope for the best.

They exited the car, out on the street, around the back, through a backdoor, past the storage room of the café and up an old, riggity staircase to Idés apartment. He held the door for Gwyn. The floorboards creaked underneath them as they entered.

“Sorry about the mess,” he excused.

He wanted to say it was because he hadn’t been expecting guests, but truth be told, it would be a mess either way.  The small hallway wasn’t so bad, anyways – most of the clutter was in the kitchen and living room, trinkets and books strewn about. The apartment was old and worn, the aromatics of coffee seeping through the floorboards from the café underneath, paint chipping on the walls. It was humble, but it was home.

He stepped out of his shoes, removing the lab coat he had all but forgotten that he was still wearing, hanging it on a hook by the door. Then he turned towards Gwyn.

“You want some coffee or something?”

The nod Idés gave her wasn’t much of an answer whether they were here to pick something up, or because he simply lived on campus like she used to. His words, however, did give her more of a reassurance that he indeed lived here. Above the café she had adored going to. Answering with a little nod herself, Gwyn pulled her hood all the way over her head. It now obscured the top half of her face and most of her hair, to anyone else she might look like some homeless girl. Which she was, essentially.

Getting out of the car, Gwyn followed Idés for every step. They went around the back, through a backdoor and eventually up a staircase that looked like it could collapse any second. With every step she took she could hear the stairs moan and feel it move, so she hurried her pace and managed to nearly bump into Idés. He held the door to his home open for her, and only then did Gwyn remove her hood as she took in his home for the first time. The floor was worn, and it creaked as they walked further into the apartment, or better said into the hallway. If she hadn’t been so worn out from all the crying, Gwyn would have snickered. The place indeed could be, as Idés called it, a mess. But she hadn’t expected anything else from him. The mess was comforting, knowing that it was Idés’ mess. His lab usually was a mess too and while it had irked her to no tomorrow at first, she soon started to realise there had been a system to his mess. A routine, a sense of homeliness.

The hallway contained four doors, one to her right, one in front of her and two further down the hall. One left and one right. Taking a deep breath, the aroma of freshly ground beans filled her nose, adding some warmth to the atmosphere around her. Copying Idés by taking off her shoes, she started to walk further into his home. A few steps into the hallway, Gwyn turned around when Idés asked her if she wanted something to drink. She probably should drink something, like water, with all the crying she’d done but… She didn’t really feel like drinking water, or coffee at this moment.
‘’Do you have something stronger?’’ She asked timidly, her eyes on the ground as she started picking on the cuticle of her left thumb. ‘’I kinda want to.. Forget.. What happened today, you know.’’ Shrugging, Gwyn turned back to the hallway and watched the doors. One of them was slightly opened. Taking another step forward, Gwyn craned her neck to take a peek. It looked like a living room, if what she saw was a couch and a tv.

‘’May I?’’ Pointing towards the slightly opened door, Gwyn waited for Idés to nod his approval before she ventured further into his home.  Walking through the door from the hallway to the living room she got a full view of the interior. It was a mixture between old and wood, add the ‘mess’ to it and it made perfect sense as Idés’ home. Though she was somewhat surprised he hadn’t fashioned himself a miniature lab, or maybe that was in the bedroom. Books lay on nearly every flat surface, trinkets were placed here and there. Maybe even forgotten that they’ve been put on a certain spot. And even within the chaos it still felt homey.

Turning around, Gwyn noticed the little working corner with a desk, an old computer and even more books and trinkets. The shelves above it held what she assumed was research, old zeals and even more books on whatever he found important enough to place there. Pulling her hands inside the sleeves of her sweater, Gwyn walked over to the window. Only to step away from it a second later, realising that it wasn’t wise for her to stand in front of it should one look up and recognise her. She’d endanger Idés immediately. Biting down on her lip, Gwyn opted to just sit on the couch. That way no one could spot her from the streets.

Once she had taken a seat, Gwyn studied the contents on the table in front of her. Most of it meant little to her, or was ineligible because of Idés’ scrambles in his haste. She did pick up one of the thinner books from underneath an ashtray and started flipping through the pages. Whatever was written was abracadabra to her, but in her time as Idés’ assistant she had picked up a thing or two. But not enough to make whatever she was reading make sense.

Gwyn asked if he had anything stronger, which Idés did think he might have a bottle of wine in the fridge, but he also had to be responsible here ; talking the situation over first was probably first priority. So as she asked if she could explore the apartment – which of course she could – Idés entered the kitchen to brew them some coffee anyways.

The kitchen was really also a mess. He should get around to taking the dishes soon, he noted, as he poured water into the machine and turned it on. Then he leaned against the counter, getting out his phone, not at all surprised to see Dominic’s message on the display.

Hey, is Gwyn with you?

Idés sighed, what a mess. He ran a hand through his hair before typing: She is.

He paused for a moment, considering, before adding: I’ll bring her with me to the meeting tomorrow. Let’s figure out a solution then?

Hitting send, he put his phone back in his pocket, letting his fingers drum on the counter. He had to bring her back tomorrow, because she couldn’t stay with him, the risk was too great. And she couldn’t go back to her regular life now, no matter what. So they had to figure out some solution that worked for everyone. Or at least didn’t have Dominic and Gwyn at each other's throat. Sometimes Idés allowed himself to forget how high the stakes were in everything they did. But life always had a way of reminding him. Nothing was ever just easy. He sighed again, rubbing his neck. Why did everything have to be complicated?

The brew clicked and beeped, and Idés turned, pouring the coffee for them, adding a splash of milk and some sugar to Gwyn’s cup. Then sighing one last time, he pulled himself together and headed for the living room.

Another space that was really overdue for being tidied. One day he would have time for that. He sat down next to Gwyn on the couch, handing her her coffee.

“I think we should talk this over,” he started, an apologetic smile on his lips. “Before we get to drinking. If that’s alright? What happened today?”

For idle minutes, Gwyn continued to look through the book without really understanding what it all meant. Nor did she try. She was looking for something to do other than repeating everything that had happened today. Hopefully Idés has a bottle of tequila or something, because anything with a lesser alcohol percentage would take her longer to start to forget. She just wanted to take a fucking break from her life, ever since the party it had become one big fucking laughstock and she just wanted to moment where her life looked like her old one. Where she had friends, had lunch with them, went to parties, and was certain her boyfriend would ask her to move in with him soon.

But that life now seemed more like a dream than any fantasy movie she’d seen.

Footsteps pulled her from her thoughts, making her put the book down when Idés sat down next to her on the couch and handed her a mug. Coffee, she concluded but her heart warmed at the lighter colour of the drink. Did Idés know how she liked her coffee anything but black? Or maybe she looked like the type of person who had something in their coffee and he just hunched. Still, she wished it were at least a bottle of wine or that tequila she thought about earlier.

‘’Thank you,’’ Gwyn said. At Idés’ suggestion to talk, Gwyn tried to make herself smaller on the couch whilst staring in front of her without seeing anything. How big was the chance that Dominic of Cadmus had filled him in? Told him how reckless and stupid and selfish she had been? Seeing what they thought of her, she guessed the chance was pretty big they told Idés the minute she had left.

Even though he asked if it was alright, Gwyn knew that he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. There was no way around not talking. Letting out a deep sigh, she wrapped both of her hands around the mug to warm them up as she thought about how she was going to tell him what happened.

‘’I went out for groceries, and you can imagine how much one needs to buy for that many people. So after I paid and saw how many bags I had, I kind of struggled with if I should try to carry it all myself, or leave half of it at the supermarket and get it later.’’ She left out that she also thought that asking someone to help her carry, even the employees, was a bad idea.
‘’When I was about to ask the cashier if he could keep half the groceries somewhere safe from me, E–’’ Stopping, Gwyn shut her mouth before she said the name. It hurt, anew. She really thought that Edita had been a good person, but she had been very wrong about that according to Dominic. ‘’A girl came up to me, offering to help. I wanted to decline, because I didn’t know her but she started talking about having seen me when I was sick.. And there had been a girl there when I went to the kitchen for some water a few days after you had come by. So since she’d been there before, Dominic must have known her too.’’ Gwyn didn’t have to add that it wasn’t weird that she thought the girl was a part of the EFA somehow.

As Gwyn continued to talk, she told Idés a bit about the conversation she had with Edita and how she asked if she wanted something to drink because she helped carry the groceries.
‘’The second we came in, though, Dominic just…’’ Chewing on her lip, Gwyn searched for the word to best describe it. Attack would fit, but he hadn’t lost his cool until Gwyn had started to open her own damned mouth.
‘’He didn’t take it well,’’ she decided to say, ‘’told her to leave immediately without as much as a thank you for helping with the groceries.’’ As she explained the rest, she’d started to look out of the window. Watching the rustling leaves in the spring winds. ‘’And then he said that, I just broke and I had to leave.’’ Shrugging, she downplayed the situation in hopes that Idés wouldn’t ask her any more questions on the matter before she started to cry again. Because she already felt her tears welling up when she replaying it all in her mind

‘’I will start looking for another place to go to tomorrow, I guess. Don’t think they’ll ever allow someone like me back in there.’’ Mumbling the world, Gwyn finally brought the mug to her lips. The coffee had grown almost cold, but she didn’t mind it all too much as she usually preferred and iced coffee over hot coffee.
‘’I’m sorry for involving you in this,’’ turning towards Idés, she looked at him as she said, ‘’I never should’ve gone to your office that day and made you feel like bringing me there was your only option. I smudged your good reputation with Dominic.. I swear today is the last day I’ll ever be a burden to you.’’ And she meant it, from tomorrow on she was going to put no one in a tough position anymore because of her.

Gwyn started explaining and she didn’t stop talking for quite a bit. About groceries and someone she had met at the supermarket and then Dominic’s reaction to it all. He didn’t take it well, Idés furrowed his brows, told her to leave immediately without as much as a thank you for helping with the groceries.

And then she explained the argument up until the point that she left, averting her eyes as she did so. Idés frowned. Shit. 

He had a feeling there might be more to Dominic’s outburst, though. It could be the building pressure the man was under. But that wasn’t Gwyn’s fault. She had as much power over the society they lived in as everyone else. It was no excuse to yell at her. Though, it did worry him to hear that he was lashing out like that. Dominic was his friend, after all, he had known him for many years. But right now he was more worried about Gwyn, that went on to explain how she would start looking for a new place to stay. Idés’ frown deepened. As did the feeling of guilt.

And when she apologized for ever asking him for help, he felt his stomach clench painfully. She shouldn’t be the one apologizing here. She hadn’t done anything wrong. This whole situation was a mess, but it definitely wasn’t her fault. He shook his head. 

“Don’t apologize, please,” he started. “I’m the one who jumped the gun by bringing you there. That’s not your fault, I never explained anything properly to you. I’m sorry, for bringing you into this mess.”

He paused, placing his full cup on the cluttered table in front of the couch. His brows were still furrowed as he looked at Gwyn, thinking about how to phrase what he wanted to say next. 

“And I – I really am sorry – I don’t think moving is an option right now. In this current political landscape. I understand why you might now want to return after–” he paused again, pressing his lips together. “But after the prince died, everyone is out for blood and the EFA is… already so compromised. And because of the time you disappeared, well… if the GW caught onto you, we’d all be in trouble. I really am sorry, Gwyn. You don’t deserve to be in this situation.”

The look in his eyes was serious as he looked at Gwyn, trying to figure out a solution here. But nothing seemed satisfactory. 

“And I’m really sorry about Dom. This… he’s under a lot of pressure right now. Which doesn't make it okay. But this isn’t who he is. Everything is just, well…” he rubbed his hand against his face, letting out a tired sigh. “Super fucked up right now... I'm sorry that you're in the middle of that mess too, Gwyn.”

The frown that marred Idés’ forehead was deep enough that it could leave a permanent line if he kept on doing it. Gwyn didn’t want to see the only person she considered a friend frowning, not over the mess she made. She watched as Idés shook his head, listened to him say that she shouldn’t apologise. Gwyn wanted to intercept, to make it clear that she did have to apologise but Idés continued talking. It occurred to her in the back of her mind that this might have been the most Idés had ever said to her that wasn’t work related. Her heart hurt when Idés apologised too, twice. But it hadn’t been his job to explain everything, wasn’t it? Sure, Dominic had said that she was his responsibility but Idés had his own job, he couldn’t be there all the time to hold her hand and explain things. She could never blame him for her cluelessness.

Dropping her gaze to her lap when Idés told her as gently as he could that leaving HQ for good wasn’t an option – even though he didn’t say it with those exact words, she did understand what he meant. But they didn’t want her there, that is where the issue lay. Her thoughts went back to when Idés said he never explained things properly to her. Frustration started to boil in the lower pits of her stomach. Erupting when she watched Idés apologise for a third time, telling her how Dom is under a lot of pressure and seeing the tiredness in his posture when he rubbed his face with a hand.
‘’But that’s the thing!’’ Gwyn exclaimed, ‘’It shouldn’t be up to just you to explain things to me! There are twelve people there, Idés. Twelve. And none of those twelve ever took the time or effort to tell me anything aside that I am to be part of cooking and cleaning!’’ Placing her own mug on the coffee table, she stood up and started to pace, so she could get her thoughts and words straight.
‘’It’s like whatever I do there, it’s not good! The only time I am doing nothing wrong directly is when I sit in a chair all day and watch time tick by! And even then I am taking up space someone else needs more than I do!’’

Feeling that spurt of irritated energy leave her body as soon as it came, she sat down again on the couch next to him, feeling equally as tired as Idés looked. Iosta knew she might even look worse with all the short nights of sleep she had in the past two weeks or so..
‘’If it weren’t for you,’’ she started, her tone softer than it had been seconds before and placed a hand on Idés’ shoulder, ‘’I would have likely been in a far worse place than I am now.’’ Mustering the best smile she could, she moved her hands back on her lap.
‘’So please, don’t be sorry you saved me from a fate worse than this situation is now. If it weren’t for you bringing me there, there might have been a chance I wouldn’t be here anymore?’’ It was probably a bit dramatic to say, but who knew what Godia Warriors did with people they suspected were connected to the murder. Gwyn wasn’t a strong person, not physically or mentally. She’d have broken in record time if they ever tried to pry something from her.


‘’I just don’t want to go back to a place I am not wanted, and I am pretty sure I am not welcome anymore either.’’ With the fact that she managed to put them in danger in their eyes, she wouldn’t allow herself back in too if she were them. ‘’But you’re right, everything is fucked up. Has been so since last August, at least for me.’’ Taking the mug with her coffee back into her hands, she took a sip of the coffee.
‘’And thank you, for not trying to justify Dominic’s actions despite him being your friend.’’ Because she was pretty sure Idés knew Dominic far longer than he had known her. Letting out a sigh of her own, Gwyn placed the mug back on the table for a second time, not in the mood anymore for caffeine.

‘’You think now is an okay time for something stronger?’’

It seemed Gwyn reacted with frustration, pacing the floor and ranting, which Idés couldn’t blame her for. First she was frustrated that no one else at the HQ had explained anything to her. Which wasn’t entirely fair. The refugees had no responsibility to teach her anything, they had enough on their plate to begin with. If anything it seemed to demonstrate that Gwyn really did not understand a lot about the EFA or the system against them, and though he didn't blame her for that, it was important that she understood. She found herself in the middle of it, but truth be told, she wasn’t the one being persecuted at a larger scale here.

But you’re right, everything is fucked up. Has been so since last August, at least for me.
He smiled sadly. He couldn’t think too hard about that or really judge Gwyn where she was coming from. But where Idés had grown up, everything had always been fucked up. They still were fucked up. And it was getting worse by the day. It was outside Gwyn’s hands, but every year lived oblivious to it all was its own kind of privilege. That was how the system worked. Ignorance was bliss. And useful, when orchestrating a genocide. Nowhere was that more visible than in Erast.

And Gwyn didn’t deserve to find herself in the middle of that, of course. Nor did any of the refugees, any other homeless nachon, Erast citizen, or Idés, Dominic, any EFA member for that matter. It wasn’t fair. No one deserved it, the struggle for survival. But none of that mattered. Falling into despair wouldn’t change anything. They had to keep swimming or they’d drown. As a Erast native, Idés understood that better than most people. He had been born into it. There was a reason that most people he had grown up with were long dead. His heart felt impossibly heavy for a moment. It wasn’t often he allowed himself to grieve. Now wasn’t the time for that either. This wasn’t about him. Or any one individual. They had to learn to work together or they’d all suffer the same fate. There was a genocide. They had to stick together as a community because they were stronger that way.

Gwyn was in the thick of that too now. Past privilege or not, no one could be surprised when an unfair system treated people unfairly. It only meant the system was working. It was bitter and unfair. And a lot to ask of a person. It took its toll. Idés knew everything about that. She ended her rant by asking if they could just drink now. But there was an important conversation to be had here first. It wasn’t an easy one.

When Idés started speaking, his tone was gentle. “I think it’s important to keep in mind that 10 of those 12 people are refugees. They’re… well. There’s a lot on their minds these days. Warlock powers develop… sometimes even well before puberty. That goes for nachons too. So most of the time they’re teens. Children. Most of the time they get disowned. And are subject to who knows what kind of abuse and-… Right now, we can’t even promise them they will be able to leave the country or that they will even survive this.  With everything going on. This is a genocide, you know.”

The look on his face was serious as he continued. “So if they seem detached or closed off, it’s because they’re going through something extremely… traumatic. That has nothing to do with you. They’re in survival mode. We can’t blame them for that. A lot of them are just scared kids…” He sighed. There wasn’t room for grief and thus he couldn’t dwell on it.

“As for Dom and Cad... Your safety is our responsibility too and they should know better. I can promise you, you are welcome. You’re in the same shit as the rest of us now. So of course, you’re welcome. We’re all in the same boat. Infighting won't help us survive. Persecuting and beating yourself up will only work to the system’s advantage. They want us all to feel helpless and worthless. You’re not taking up anybody’s space. Please don’t think about it that way. That’s not how it works. No one is more deserving of help than another. Everyone is just under so much stress and... despite what the government might be spewing on about, they are only human.”

“We’re doing our best. Which isn’t good enough right now, I know. No one should be forced to go through what you’re going through. I can’t… offer any kind of guaranteed solution. If I could, I would fix it all. But if you leave, we won’t be able to help you at all and it’d put all of us in more danger. So please… we’re all in this mess together. We need to stick together. That way, we might all make it through.” For a moment, Idés looked at Gwyn, looking tired beyond his years.  It wasn’t a fair thing to ask of a person, to endure it all, but there really was no other way through. There was no easy solutions here. Everything was too complicated and he’d already had too many people he cared about die. “Think about it, at least?”

Maybe it had been stupid of her to again ask for something with an alcohol percentage. Because it seemed the conversation wasn’t over, not by a long shot. It also seemed that Gwyn had been too conceived by her own woes to see what the situation around her was really like. What the refugees there went through, it was a hundred times worse than her own situation. That, she finally understood even if it was a bit too late. It didn’t mean her own situation wasn’t bad, but it bleaked in comparison with what they went through. And how could she not see that before? The people there, the people who had fled their homes, their lives and were hunted for their magic, some were younger than she was. How shallow and conceited of a person was she to forget that important fact? She acknowledged that she should have never said what she just had, they didn't deserve her frustration, not even a tiny bit of it. But it was just that, frustration. An emotion she couldn’t control well.

Gwyn glimpsed the serious look on Idés’ face before she let her own hang. He was right, she couldn’t blame them. Not for taking the lead into giving her an inkling about what the EFA did, nor for making her feel a pariah still. She herself wasn’t blameless, though. Instead of waiting, she could have walked up to anyone herself. Ask questions, show interest for the good of the situation. Yet, she hadn’t done so. Only wallowed in her self-pity.

A part of her wanted to snort when Idés assured her that she was welcome at HQ, that she was in the same shit as they were. Wasn’t the situation they were put in one of unfairness? Of prejudice based on what some holy text said? While hers was simply because she couldn’t hold her damned tongue when she had to, and then instead of trying to fix the situation she ran to someone else to fix her problem for her. But Idés was right, infighting wouldn’t do anyone good. The beating herself up part, that was only starting even if she didn’t know it yet. Even with Idés telling her that she wasn’t taking up anybody's space, that she shouldn’t think that way because there wasn’t anyone more deserving than the other, she couldn’t share the sentiment. But she kept that to herself. It would be cruel and selfish of her to keep on pressing Idés with the fact that she was taking up space that wasn’t there.

Her heart started to ache at his words. I can’t… offer any kind of guaranteed solution. If I could, I would fix it all. Idés was too good, despite it all. Despite the world they lived in being unfair to a great deal of their population, something she had never thought of before.

Gwyn winced, her leaving would put them in danger. She didn’t want that. She wanted to make sure she wasn’t a danger in any way but what had seemed like the solution to her was anything but. Lifting her gaze, Gwyn saw that Idés was looking at her. He looked so tired, too tired for someone who shouldn’t be trying to carry the weight that he did.

Instead of answering him verbally, Gwyn simply nodded. Because what could she say? She had seen too little of the real world, the world whose ugliness was hidden by the veil that society had laid upon it. Her eyes had only been opened recently, and there was still so much that she was oblivious and ignorant to.

Even though Idés asked her to think about it, there wasn’t much thinking she could do. Nor was there a thing she could do that would alter the situation for the better. She would have to go back, despite her personal feelings that she may not be welcome there any longer.
‘’I’ll go back, but can it not be tonight?’’ Bringing her knees to her chest, Gwyn wrapped her arms around her legs, her hands now curled into fists inside the sleeves of her hoody. Her socked feet automatically crossed over one another, her toes curling out of habit. She let her chin rest on her knees, her skin somewhat chilly to the touch, as she let all that Idés had told her take place in her mind. Muddy as it was because of all the crying she had done before.

‘’I just hope that Dominic doesn’t hate me, for the trouble I’ve caused so far.’’ Where the words were meant to be a thought, she uttered them softly but loud enough that Idés surely would’ve heard them. She had caused Dominic quite some discomfort, and trouble. From being another person to hide, another mouth to feed and one who had taken his bed because she got bloody migraines paired with her period.

Gwyn got very quiet, Idés had noticed, probably for the first time since getting to know her. But at least she agreed to giving HQ another chance. That was a relief. That meant the situation could be remedied. His heart hurt slightly when she spoke, saying that she hoped Dominic didn’t hate her. He was no mind reader, he didn’t know what Dominic was truly feeling, but just last time he visited HQ he had not seen a Dominic full of hatred. Frustrated, sure, but not hateful. And Dominic texting to make sure of Gwyn’s whereabouts, Idés had a hunch that that was not just Dominic ensuring the safety of the EFA – that he was making sure Gwyn was safe, that told Idés all he needed to know. Dominic did not hate her. But Gwyn didn’t know Dominic at all. Idés didn’t blame her for getting that impression.

“You can stay here for the night. There’s a meeting tomorrow. I’ll bring you with me then.”

Gwyn was hugging her knees close to her body, looking so small and beat down. Idés frowned, opening his arms and inviting her to hug him, in the same manner he would with his younger siblings when they had been upset growing up. As her arms came around him, he held her tight. 

“And don’t go being too hard on yourself, Gwyn. You still have a good heart. Right now, it’s just being tested,” he reassured, rubbing her back. For a moment, he just held her. She was quite cold, he noticed, making a note to himself of getting a blanket for her once he got up. 

He withdrew slightly, to look at her properly as he spoke again. “And don’t worry about Dom. He’s rough around the edges, but he’s not that bad. Even if that’s hard to believe right now when he’s under so much pressure. He's just… backed into a corner these days."

"And, well... He used to be in their shoes, you know? Being a teen on the run and the EFA helped him. But a mission went wrong and everything went to shit. The old leader died. And instead of running away, he devoted his entire life to rebuilding and running the EFA when he was only 17. So keeping the refugees safe means everything to him for a reason. If he gets aggressive, it’s because he’s protective of that."

"He has a good heart too. He’s probably one of the most selfless people I know. When push comes to shove, you won’t meet anyone as reliable as him. And he wouldn’t let you stay at all if he actually hated you.”

“When things settle, you two should give each other a proper chance. I think you’d like each other. Both of you care a lot,” he concluded, offering Gwyn a smile, squeezing her arm before withdrawing entirely. 

Then he rubbed his neck. “Anyways. I only have a bottle of wine in the fridge. Will that make due?”

Muttering a soft thank you, she saved the piece of information that Idés had told her in the back of her mind. A meeting meant that many people would be present when they’d arrive. Everyone would get to witness her walk of shame. Hopefully it wouldn’t go as awry as the last time that Idés had brought her to HQ. She felt a small ball of stress unfurling in her stomach, fed by potential what-ifs that her mind served out for her. At least she wasn’t able to bring a ton of luggage with her this time, seeing that she only had taken her phone with her when she’d left.

Noting another frown that appeared on Idés’ forehead, it took her a second to realise what his spread arms invited her to do. And once it clicked, she nearly dove for him. Wrapping her arms around his torso and planting her face against his chest, she let out a faint whimper when Idés held onto her tight. She hadn’t known just how much she needed this. A friendly and comforting hug, one that would tell her it’s going to be okay without words being needed.

Feeling her eyes tear up again at Idés’ words, she only nodded. She wasn’t being hard on herself, right? Just realistic. She had to be, because fairytales didn’t exist nor could she keep a blind eye to reality because it would make life less uncomfortable. A shuddering breath left when he started to rub her back. A new wave of tears welled up, but this time for a slightly different reason. She suddenly missed her dad and the feeling hit her like a sledgehammer. Her dad used to rub her back too whenever he hugged her when she was upset. He would keep on rubbing it until she’d feel better, it didn't matter if it had been a nightmare, a bad grade or because of a stupid boy. Her dad had always been there. It made her realise how long it has been since she had last seen her parents. Even though they lived in the same city, she hadn’t seen them since shortly after the party.

As Idés pulled away a little, a part of her wanted to pull him straight back in their hug so she could savour the feeling for just a moment more, to soak up the comfort that it gave her. A comforting touch she hadn’t realised she terribly missed. But she let him, because despite what she wanted, Idés might not appreciate her going all clingy koala on him. Letting go of him herself, Gwyn put her hands in her lap as she listened to what Idés told her.

She felt sad for him, for Dominic, for the boy he might have never been. She hadn’t known that he too had fled his home, that he became the leader of an organisation that was so hunted by the government at such a young and tender age. But the former should have been an obvious fact for her. Even though Dominic never showed signs that he possessed magic. She had only known because Cad told her but if he hadn't she would just have assumed he was like her… Or well, that he was a non magical human. Something she had believed herself to be for 23 years.

The fierceness which Dominic had shown had also been put in a new perspective. Where she first thought of him as a paranoid dick, she now realised that it was his protectiveness that was so fierce. His need to make sure that the refugees would never again feel the hot breath of a hunter in their necks, that he would become a villain in the eye of the unknowingly in order to do so. She might have thought of the fierceness as a character flaw at first, but now.. Now Gwyn thought of it as a strength. To care so much for others that you were willing to put yourself through hell for them. Though it wasn’t exactly the right moment, the hopeless romantic in her longed for someone who would be that protective of her at the revelation and as she thought of it – to have someone like that, a slight tingling feeling tickled from the inside.

Be as it might, even with Idés’ words, she still thought that Dominic didn’t think highly of her after everything. That he might only have her stay so he could protect the others. And she didn’t blame him. He had every right to dislike her for everything, and all the trouble she might have unwillingly caused.

Raising her eyebrow slightly at him, she mulled over the words. I think you’d like each other. Both of you care a lot, Would they? First impressions were important and she had screwed up hers royally but maybe if they’d met in a different environment, in a different world, then maybe they would. She didn’t allow herself to think of what it could be like, though. Knowing herself, it was too stupid and dangerous to do so. With a squeeze, Idés let go of her arm and withdrew. Gwyn sat back too, and took the same position she had before she and Idés had hugged.

‘’Sounds perfect,’’ Gwyn answered with a small smile. It hadn’t really mattered to her what she would get to drink at first, only if she could. But now, she didn’t feel the dire need to drink herself to forgetting anymore. Though a few glasses of wine wouldn’t hurt, still. She watched Idés get up and leave the living room, and once he was out she let out a very big sigh and rested her forehead against her knees. She stayed like that for a few seconds, before turning her head and staring out of the window again. The branches still swayed with the winds, the somewhat bright green colour of the leaves suddenly reminding her of big open moors dotted with clusters of colourful wildflowers. Just like that dream, Gwyn thought, recalling the dream she had written down in the journal Cadmus had given her, just a few days back. She still wondered why she had dreamt about that, but thinking about that moore brought a bit of content feeling, a peaceful and almost happy feeling.

For the first time since meeting her, it seemed that Idés was the one doing all the talking. He didn’t hold it against her. She’d had a hard day today. She was still pale and quiet, curling in on herself, yet she still managed a smile. He didn't like seeing her like this, of course he didn't, but somehow Idés knew that she’d be fine. She was stronger than she realized. And after talking it out, Idés felt a bit more confident in thinking that things were going to work out after all. This was just a bump in the road. Giving her arm one last reassuring squeeze, he stood up from the couch to go grab the wine he had promised her.

He went to the kitchen, noting once again that the dishes were long overdue for being washed.  Opening the fridge, he also noted that he was long overdue for shopping groceries. Some butter, some sad looking leeks, condiments — definitely not enough food for a real meal, especially not for two. He sighed, another thing on his ever-growing to-do list. He should really start writing these things down. He got out his phone, intending to start a list. The display showed two messages from Dominic. Sounds good and thanks. 

He considered for a moment if he would need to discuss the Gwyn situation with the EFA leader. But he also knew that Dominic knew when he had messed up, there was no reason to rub it in. And at the end of the day, Gwyn reaching out instead would probably be more effective in bridging the gap. Pocketing his phone again, deciding that he didn't need to involve himself more than necessary, he grabbed the wine bottle and closed the fridge. He grabbed two glasses from the cupboard before heading back into the living room.

"We might need to order some take-away." He entered the living room, sitting down on the couch, placing bottle and glasses down on the table where there was space amongst the clutter. "Fridge is kind of empty. Want anything specific?"

After a short while Idés returned, wine and glasses in hand and with the announcement that they might have to order take-away. Despite everything today, Gwyn couldn’t help but smile at the two mismatched glasses that Idés was holding and the fact that his fridge was likely so empty it couldn’t serve a meal for two.

Somehow the mismatched glasses fit him. She couldn’t imagine Idés owning a set of the same wine glasses. To her, he was more the mix and match kind of person when it came to glass and tableware. Even the water stains on the glasses, which she usually abhorred, added to the charm of it all. Neither was she surprised that Idés suggested ordering food, rather than cooking. How many times had they shared a meal that Gwyn had gotten for them? Maybe she liked the idea of ordering food even more than making it themselves. Not because of the cooking and what not but because it would remind her of slightly better days. When they’d holed up in Idés’ lab with their take out cartons spread across the table. Often more than not they had a selection of different cuisines to their disposal, as Idés mostly let Gwyn choose what to get and she could never settle for just one thing.

‘’I am not surprised in the slightest, when have we not eaten take-out together?’’ Gwyn joked before she started thinking about what she wanted to eat. Their last meal had been Kamisian for Idés and Sysenian for herself, and it feels like years had passed since that moment. While in reality it hadn’t been all that long. Even though her mouth started watering at the thought of the köfte, she also knew it would take a while for the food to arrive if they’d have it delivered. It might be better to choose someplace that was close.

‘’How about pizza?’’ There was a decent place just outside of campus, and she’d ordered plenty there because they also sold a killer tiramisu. And everyone loved pizza, didn’t they? Despite that her thoughts were with the delicious köfte just now, the thought of a nice cheesy pizza with extra pepperoni and olives started to occupy her head. Thát was something she hadn’t eaten in a long time. ‘’I feel like that would go best with the wine.’’ Everything went with wine if you wanted it to, eyeing the bottle that Idés had placed among the clutter on the coffee table. A dry white wine, perfect. Gwyn preferred white over red any day, but she liked a dry wine better than a sweet one. An old friend of hers used to say that sweet white wine was for the weak, and it had gotten her to laugh so hard one time that her own wine had come out of her nose. Not a pleasant experience, but a fond memory nonetheless. Maybe even melancholic, since she hadn’t spoken to that friend since a week after the party.

Gwyn joked and that was definitely nice to hear. More like the Gwyn he knew and loved.  Some of the tension dissolved from his shoulders and he cracked a smile. “True,” he said with a chuckle.

“Pizza sounds good,” he said, nodding at her suggestion. “Do you want to make the order?” Fishing out his phone from his pocket and opening the delivery app, he handed it to Gwyn. She was the one with the many preferences, after all – and she was yet to pick something that Idés hadn’t thought was delicious. 

Meanwhile he reached out, grabbing the wine, screwing the cap loose. He poured them both a glass and after sitting back, he lifted his own towards Gwyn. “Cheers.”

He took a sip, leaning back properly into the couch. Letting out a sigh that turned into a yawn, he covered his mouth with the back of his hand. Perhaps it was a good thing he had been interrupted in his work early today – he hadn’t even noticed he was tired. And hungry too, now that he thought about it. He had forgotten about lunch again, it really wasn't ideal. That was another thing to the to-do list; a proper routine around his meals. Instead of dwelling on it now, he took another sip, looking at Gwyn again. “Should we put a movie on or something? Or what do you want to do tonight?”

Taking Idés’ phone from him, she answered a ‘sure’, before scrolling down to her favourite pizza joint. In their history of them getting take-out, not even once did Idés request her to get something. He had always given her free choice over their food. In a way it was nice that someone trusted you enough to get a decent meal, on the other hand it had prevented her from finding out his favourite foods.

As she went through the options of pizza, Idés had opened up the bottle of wine and poured both of them a glass. Grabbing her own glass, she held it up to meet his and looked Idés in the eye while she said her own cheers. Gwyn wasn’t sure if Idés knew about that particular superstition but she had a feeling he didn’t want to hear it from her. Taking a small sip, Gwyn put her glass back down on the coffee table as she selected her first pizza. She wasn’t all that hungry at this moment, but it might be wiser to get two pizzas rather than one. If there were any leftovers they could eat that as breakfast tomorrow.

Next to her, she heard Idés yawn and saw him cover his mouth in the corner of her eye. He must be exhausted, Gwyn concluded, chewing the inside of her cheek before her own mind added, dealing with the messes you create. Mentally shaking herself, she willed the nasty voice to tone it down. She’d already laid her troubles with him, there was no need for her to become a downer again.

At the mention of a movie, Gwyn’s head perked. She hadn’t watched a movie in a while, even though the refugees put on a movie regularly she hardly ever watched along. ‘’A movie sounds good,’’ Gwyn said as she eyed the tv. Did Idés have an account to any of the streaming devices? If he hadn’t, they could use Gwyn’s but it looked like his tv wasn’t ‘young’ enough to be labelled as a smart tv. Maybe if they could wire Idés’ laptop to the tv it could work but it was too much of a hassle. If Idés suggested a movie then he surely had a way of watching them. ‘’Something fun and heartwarming? There’s been enough shit today..’’ Turning her eyes to the ceiling for a few heartbeats, she started to go through a mental folder with movies that might just do the trick. ‘’What about Mamma Mia?’’ Gwyn suggested.

About an hour later, they sat comfortably on the couch with two steaming pizza’s in front of them –one veggie deluxe and the other a cheesy pizza with extra pepperoni and olives– and the dvd inserted inside the dvd-player. At first Gwyn had been surprised when Idés pulled out his Mamma Mia dvd, but her surprise had morphed into a content smile fairly quick. She was on her second glass of wine, and with the pizza in front of her and the opening scene of Mamma Mia starting up, Gwyn felt contentment and safety seep into her body.

It might have been the events of the day catching up to her, or the poor nights of sleep she has had for the past two weeks but with every minute of the movie that passed, her eyes grew heavier and heavier. Gwyn didn’t even get halfway into the movie before she’d fallen asleep; her head lolled to the side, her knees to her chest and her arms loosely wrapped around her body.