Here's the second gift, gay panic sprinkled with angst[Cassius & Robert]

At some point after his family had left Cassius had gone inside the hall to socialize, he also had at some point had accepted a glass of champagne, which he hoped he wouldn’t end up regretting. The way his body was now, he had probably the lowest tolerance to alcohol known to man.

Cassius had also at some point grown tired of the constant pretending and the fakeness of every conversation he had in that room. So, he did the only thing he could think of, hiding out in the hallway. He could still hear the music coming from the giant banquet hall, but out here, especially the little side hallway Cassius was now currently standing in, leaning against a wall, there wasn’t another soul to see except him. He let out a sigh of relief.

Cassius was still not ready to go home. Maybe if he waited long enough, he could avoid seeing his father anymore today. Cassius could still feel the gaze he had given him after the whole ordeal with Irene Ford, he could almost guess what his father would say if he returned home now. It was as if he meant Cassius should control how much his mother drank as if he could stop her. He had tried to sober her up, by taking her outside, how could he had known Irene would be there at the same time?

He banged his head slightly at the wall behind him. It was no use thinking about this. His eyes wandered around the hall, taking in the beautiful architecture that few places in the country could match. His gaze landed on the painting in front of him. It was by one of his favorite artists, Aidan Grove. The painting was of a lake bathed in moonlight, Cassius wasn’t sure which lake Grove had depicted in the painting, but Cassius had always liked the serenity the painting gave off.

The painting also reminded him of the conversation he had earlier that evening, the one with his mother and Robert. Robert who had made him want to paint again. Robert who was awakening something within him that Cassius wasn’t sure he wanted awakened. Robert who was… well, Robert Jenkinson.

Melissa had a headache. She had had a headache all evening, Veronica said it could be the summer flu that was in circulation at her school, but it had now gotten bad enough that Robert felt too guilty to make her stay as the only child at his birthday celebration. So he had called a chauffeur and had left the party to stand with his wife and daughter out in the cool evening air in the 10 minutes it would take for the car to arrive. Melissa’s headache eased a bit, maybe due to the fresh air, maybe due to the dulled noise outside the hotel. The three of them spent the 10 minutes sharing a pleasant, calm conversation about the evening. It was one of those moments where Robert didn’t mind being outside the spotlight while his life still seemed as ideal as he showcased it.

He gave Melissa a tight hug when the chauffeur arrived. “Alrighty, sweetie,” he said in a soft-spoken way as to not worsen her headache, “Sleep tight.”
“Thanks, dad. Have fun at your party,” Melissa replied. She was about to get into the car, her foot already inside, before she quickly turned back and added: “And happy birthday!”
Robert chuckled and raised his hand as a wave goodbye with a simple: “Thanks, hon.” Then he turned to Veronica with a heartfelt smile. “Goodnight. I’ll probably be home in a few hours.”
“You’ll be home when the party’s over,” Veronica corrected him although with a loving look in her eyes, “I highly doubt that’ll be within the next few hours.”
“You got me there.”

They exchanged goodbyes and Robert gently pecked Veronica on the cheek before she too got into the car. He stood there, waving them goodbye as the car drove away from the hotel.


There was no reason for him to stay out here, when he had a party and a bunch of admirers waiting for him inside. Robert walked back into the Borcelle Hotel, feeling as content and happy with his life and circumstances as he thought was possible. It couldn’t get any better than this, he thought, and he had too fun of an evening to realize how sad that thought in reality was.

Feeling the energy of the celebration, his Spirit lifted as if an Enferi had blessed it, Robert hummed quietly and cheerily to himself, as he walked down the elegant corridors, on his way to the banquet hall. He casually glanced at his surroundings as he passed it, eyeing the artwork on the walls that naturally caught his attention.

Speaking of naturally catching his attention – while looking around at the artwork, Robert spotted someone leaning up against the wall in one of the smaller corridors. Robert was curious by nature – or at least opportunistic and this seemed like a potential topic for gossip later, depending on who the guest was and why they were away from the party–, so he would probably have looked no matter what. But when realizing who it was, he stopped fully. Not due to any strategy or smart move. At some level it was just instinct.

Cassius was the one standing by himself in the side hallway. The younger man was leaning up against the wall, seemingly lost in the painting in front of him.
Robert’s heart skipped a beat by the sight of him. He knew he should probably leave him be. The man must have left the party for a reason and not even a reason that Robert could take political advantage of. There was absolutely no reason for Robert to take a detour from his way back to his celebration, simply to chat with the son of one of his associates. He should just keep walking and pretend he hadn’t seen him.

With that in mind, Robert turned to walk down the corridor, directly towards Cassius. A charming smile had found its way on his lips again, and as he neared him, he spoke: “You’re looking like a true artist, Cassius. Leaving the party to savor the artwork.” He stopped an appropriate distance from him, his hands resting in his pockets, and cocked his head at him with a glint in his eye. “Very avant-garde.”

His smile widened, making it known that he was indeed teasing him. Instantly, as he found himself standing in this corridor alone with Cassius, he felt himself being drawn to him, just as he had felt earlier that night. As if an invisible hand was pushing his back and trying to make him step further. However, he kept his distance and managed to stand relaxed and casual, as if there was no tension inside him.

“Or is my party just that lackluster?” he added, still teasingly, though there was a genuine question hidden inside of the humor.

Almost as if his desires had summoned the man, Cassius first heard his steps and then Robert had spoken to him. The way he had said his name made it feel like every nerve in Cassius' body was set aflame. His gaze shifted from Grove’s painting of the lake in moonlight and to the man who was now smiling at him. Yet again Robert took Cassius' breath away. A slight chuckle escaped his own lips at the other’s words.

“Your party is great, I just grew tired of having conversations with people who only see my name” Cassius responded, being more honest than he meant to. Cursed be that glass of champagne. Cassius’ gaze did not leave Robert, his mind going back to the moment their hands had touched for the first time in that handshake. Cassius once again felt the electrifying feeling shoot through his hands, his soul as if the memory reawakened the feeling and he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander over the other man for a quick second. He hoped Robert didn’t notice, he could feel his ears warming up with the shame of the thoughts going around his own head.

“I don’t often get to admire art” Cassius said as his gaze flickered back to the painting before it returned to Robert again. “So maybe I should thank you for giving me the chance to do so” He said, once again not thinking beforehand. Cassius couldn’t stop the smile he gave the other. Somewhere deep in his mind, a part of him was yelling at him as to warn him not to continue what he was doing, that he was revealing parts of himself he shouldn’t be revealing to a stranger, parts of himself that only lead to pain and shame. Maybe it was the champagne buzzing through his body, or maybe it was the way Robert spoke to him as if he saw past the name, but Cassius found it easier to ignore that part of him.

Cassius registered Robert’s presence, and their eyes met, instantly causing a surge of excitement through Robert, which Robert were quick to ignore, continuing his teasing. He had no plan, no purpose for talking to Cassius, which was very unlike him. He always had a strategy, but it was as if his brain couldn’t work that way when standing alone in the hallway, still about a meter’s distance from the Seymour heir. As if his only purpose right now was taking in the sound of Cassius’ chuckle – and that was just silly, so of course that couldn’t be it.

Cassius replied to Robert’s teasing, and his unfiltered honesty caught the politician off guard. Being so caught up in the man’s presence, Robert hadn’t noticed that the man had taken off some of the mask he and his family seemingly always wore. The way he had looked him straight in the eye while breaking the façade every person at this party until now had been sure to uphold… not to mention his gaze briefly wandered up and down Robert's body, probably not something he thought Robert would notice, but he did. And his body flared up with a rush of warmth, his heartbeat picking up the pace, an electricity sparked in his fingers with a familiarity he couldn’t deny.

God darn it.

Robert felt flustered – something he had forgot he could even feel – but played it off as feigned humility over Cassius thanking him, overdoing it as a joke. He chuckled slightly and averted his gaze towards the floor, while taking a step closer to the man. It looked as natural as it somehow felt to him – the invisible hand on his back pushing him stronger towards him.

“That’s a shame. Really.” At first he had kept the teasing tone, but when adding ‘really’ he changed his mind. For the first time this night, he let himself sound directly genuine, and he decided to meet Cassius’ eyes again, even let his smile falter slightly. “It seems like a true passion of yours.”

Passion… That word lingered in his mouth. Robert rarely, if ever, used that word without a hint of irony, and now it had left his lips with true authenticity. He wasn’t even entirely sure what it meant. He just knew that he had been allowed to see a glimpse of Cassius’ true personality, and he wanted to see more. It was an innocent curiosity, he told himself, but he was starting not to believe his own deceit.

Robert moved closer to him and it was as if every nerve ending in Cassius’ body lit on fire all over again. It had been a long time since anyone’s presence had had this effect on him. Robert spoke, his gaze on Cassius. There was something genuine in his voice and Cassius kept his gaze on Robert’s. His voice lingered in Cassius’ ears, and as if something in Robert’s word or voice had, combined with the alcohol in his veins,  silenced the part of Cassius that doubted everything, that did not trust anything, not even Cassius himself, Cassius could no longer hear it in the back of his mind.

“It is” Cassius said, there was something in his voice, something he himself couldn’t quite place. Cassius' gaze still lingered on Robert’s, all thoughts of art, his family, the EFA and whatever else usually occupied his mind was gone. His mind was focused on the present, this moment, on the man in front of him. As if it was one of the most natural things he did, Cassius took a step closer to the man. “Sadly, life and responsibilities get in the way,” Cassius continued, not even caring anymore that he was saying things without thinking.

A quick glance around the decorated hallway, It was as if they were standing hidden in some side hallway in an old mansion or castle from older days. As if time wasn’t passing for them, like they were in a pocket dimension outside of time and space. A place just for them, just for this moment between them.

“I’m sorry,” Cassius said. “I am not even sure why I am saying all of this and it's your birthday and all'' He added. He felt like his words were as awkward and clumsy as he was. The charming man who knew what to say was just a mask crafted by his parents so as to not embarrass them. Cassius at his core was just awkward and clumsy when it came to anything to do with social skills. He glanced back at Robert, a man who seemed so effortlessly charming. Why would he even want to talk to someone like Cassius?

“Are you happy?” The words fell out yet again without a thought. Somewhere from his thoughts to his tongue, the sentence had left parts of itself behind. “With the party I mean,” Cassius hurriedly added. He felt the embarrassment creep up his face and if there had been a mirror nearby, Cassius could probably see the pink tint on his own cheek if he saw his reflection. Yet, despite the embarrassment, somehow, for reasons unknown to himself, Cassius didn’t mind that Robert was seeing this side of him.

It is, Cassius replied, and his gaze lingered on Robert as if he was talking just as much about him as he was about art. Time stood still for a moment that felt infinite, though it lasted only a few fast-paced heartbeats. The intensity, however, remained, and not just that, it rose, when Cassius took a step closer to Robert.
Robert’s breath faltered and he felt his knees grow weak. Did Cassius know what affect he had on him? Surely, he didn’t, Robert was almost certain of that, but still, something in the younger man’s demeanor had changed. Somewhere in his authenticity, there was a subtle element of… could it be flirtation?

Sadly, life and responsibilities get in the way, he added. It was a sentence Robert had heard before, but mostly from humblebragging politicians, people whose lives and responsibilities had never gotten in the way; it had been the way. Robert was one of those politicians, or so he had always considered himself to be, but now, when Cassius spoke so candidly, he felt a tinge of longing for something that must have been pushed away or down for a very long time. He didn’t have enough courage to pinpoint exactly what he was longing for, but he was painfully aware that there was at least something. Maybe it was passion? The thought alone made his body feel aflame. Or perhaps it was just from Cassius now being close enough for Robert to feel the fire warlock's heat faintly radiating off his body.

Robert was at a loss for words. In fact, he didn’t even realize that it was his turn to speak. It was only when Cassius averted his gaze to look past Robert, down the hall, that Robert felt the need to speak, and that need was solely motivated by him wanting to beg him to look at him again, to pay the hall no mind. Robert somehow had self-restraint to keep his dignity a little longer and not actually say this out loud. Still, his blue eyes never looked away from Cassius.

Then, Cassius suddenly started apologizing, and Robert finally was able to say something. He did so with a slight chuckle, charming as always, but not fully hiding his flustered state. “No, no, really, there’s no need to…” His words faded out, when Cassius looked at him again and asked him a question, he wasn’t sure he had ever heard before, a question he hadn’t even considered asking himself.

Are you happy? he asked.

Why would it be such an obvious lie if Robert were to say yes?

Oh, thank Iosta, Cassius wasn’t done. The man quickly added ‘with the party’, and Robert almost exhaled with relief. That was a much easier question to answer, apparently.
His charismatic smile widened, as he answered: “Actually, no.”

Wait – did he just answer ‘no’? For a second, Robert looked confused by his own response, furrowing his brows slightly in puzzled.  
“I thought I was,” he said, saying the words out loud as he thought them, slowly realizing what they meant, ”but no, not really.”

His forehead smoothened out, as the realization of his own thoughts set in. A part of him wanted to save face, to correct himself, to change the subject. But that part of him wasn’t as powerful as the heat from Cassius’ body and the fire inside of Robert’s. Cassius had asked him a genuine question, and meeting his gaze, it felt only right to answer it genuinely as well – more genuinely than Robert had thought he even was.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he started out by saying, still carrying a hint of his usual charming, confident smile, “it’s the event of the season. One of the most lavish parties I’ve ever thrown. The décor, the live band, the champagne, hors d'oeuvres, I mean, even the guestlist.” Perfectly crafted by Robert himself to provide him with the perfect balance between admirers and those whom he could interact with to gain even more admirers.

Briefly, Robert looked down at the floor, then he looked up to meet Cassius’ gaze again, and as he did, he yet again stepped towards him, getting closer to him. It was closer than he usually would or even should get to a man he had just met, but Robert didn’t think about that. It felt natural. Natural in a way, where not doing it would feel wrong.

“I’ve got a room full of people that shower me with their affection and it feels“ He was about to say ‘it feels wonderful’, but that suddenly also felt like a lie. He stopped himself for a second, trying to get a feeling of the words that were about to leave his mouth. “It feels…” He raised his hands in front of his chest so gesticulate while talking; Cassius and him stood close enough that he had to keep them close to his body as to not accidently hit Cassius when talking. “It feels as if it’s all a present to me, right? And it’s a beautifully wrapped gift.” He hesitated. His blue eyes looked at his hands. Then at Cassius. “But there’s nothing inside.”

The words hit him as he said them. Before this moment, they had been inside of him, too distant and too indistinct to have any influence over his day. But they had been there, Robert knew that. On his few lonely nights, they had even been insistent, but never insistent enough for him to remember them the next day when he yet again was surrounded by admirers. And yet, the memory of them was clear.

Robert exhaled, a short, breathless laughter left his lips in surprise over what he had just said. He cocked his head slightly to the side. “So, I guess, I’m not happy?” he said, before quickly adding: “With the party, of course.”
That’s when he felt it – something had changed between them. Robert didn’t know when specifically, but it must have happened as he had talked. The intensity had kept rising, now filling out the small space of air between them. The remainder of Robert’s smile disappeared, his face softened, his heart beating faster. He lowered his hands again and then, unconsciously, as he couldn’t help himself from gravitating towards him, he took a tiny step closer to Cassius, reducing the air between them even more. He held his breath as he did so, and when he spoke again, he could only speak in a low volume, as if he had to make sure that it was only Cassius that could hear him: “I guess, a part of me wants something else.”

A part of Robert knew exactly what that something else was. But he didn’t dare saying anymore out loud. Just like he didn’t dare taking anymore steps.

Cassius silently listened as Robert answered his question. He hadn’t been prepared for Robert to be so… honest, though it was a pleasant surprise. His gaze never left the man, unable to really. Robert’s gaze moved to the floor for a second before he looked back at Cassius, moving closer. Cassius hadn’t noticed that the air around them had changed, not until Robert finished talking. It was something intoxicating, something that made him think less straight.

A part of his mind was raising an alarm, that he was moving into dangerous territory, to get away. If he had been sober, he would have followed that part of him, listened to what it said. He would have come up with some excuse and left. Yet, now, at this very moment. Cassius did not care, as if his heart had taken control from his brain, his mind. Robert stepped closer once again, Cassius could feel his breath, hear it. He heard it when the other held his breath, making him hold his own.

I guess, a part of me wants something else.

Like a switch being flicked, a button pressed, Cassius could no longer hold back, and realized that he had been holding back for a while now. There was a little corner deep in his mind trying to make him stop, to think about what he was actually doing, to think about the consequences. However, consequences be damned.

It took perhaps less than a second, yet it felt like an eternity, for Cassius to close the little distance left between them. His hands placed comfortably behind Robert’s neck, as if they belonged there, pulling him towards him. And then, Cassius’ lips met his and a passionate fire ran through his veins, lighting every nerve on fire and Cassius felt more alive for the first time in a decade.

In an instant, Robert's world shifted. Cassius’ hands slid behind his neck, pulling him closer, their bodies almost touching. Robert’s breath hitched, his pulse quickened, and before he could fully comprehend what was happening, Cassius’ lips crashed into his.

It was sudden, unexpected. It was the most natural thing in the world.

Not a single fiber in Robert’s being considered pulling away; the heat from Cassius’ body melted off any of his reservations. His own hands instinctively reached around Cassius and found their way to the side of his torso. His fingers latched onto his blazer, tugging him even closer, pressing his chest against his.

The hotel, the party, the spotlight, all of it dissolved into the nothingness it truly was, leaving only the passion taking center stage. In this moment, the only thing that existed for Robert was Cassius’ lips on his. His taste, his warmth, and the sheer audacity of the moment.

The kiss was a revelation, and Robert was consumed by the sensation of being alive. It awakened not just something inside of him, but someone. Someone unshackled and unburdened, living with authenticity and genuineness – someone unafraid.

Robert had no idea who this person was. Still, he knew, it was himself.

His body was lit on fire all over again when he felt Robert pull him closer. The parts of his torso Robert held onto felt so warm against his hands, coincidentally it was also where, beneath the fabrics of his suit, where his burn scars ran the deepest and largest. However, at this moment, Cassius did not care. All he cared about was the man he was kissing, the burning and electrifying feeling that focused on everywhere they touched.

Cassius hadn’t felt like this for a long time, not since….

And as if that tiny thought had slammed him into reality. As if it reset his brain. Now despite the burning and electrifying feelings, there were also feelings of guilt and shame. Guilt for how could he have dared forgotten? And shame for he was relieved to have forgotten. Besides all that he was kissing a married man even. What had he done?

Cassius took a step back and he just knew if Robert looked in his eyes he would see the confused mess that Cassius was, the shame, the guit, the fear…

He opened his mouth as he took a few more steps back, as if to say something, but what could he even say? He closed it again and avoided looking at Robert. His mind was in panic mode, his veins ran cold and his skin was whispering to him as if it missed the warmth of Robert’s touch.

“I-” He started, his voice breaking, evidence of the panic he very much felt. “I need to go” He said so simply, so far away from everything in his mind, everything he felt. Unable to resist, he took one last look at Robert, before he looked away to the ground. He walked away, towards the exist of the hotel, his steps hurried and any resistance to go home was long forgotten. His steps felt heavy as if he actually did not want to leave, but how could he even stay?

The night air outside was cold and cleared his mind even more, and even more panic and dread for what he had just done consumed him. Cassius’ mind would not calm down, not when he entered the taxi, barely remembering to tell the driver his address. Not when he entered the large mansion and walked straight past his father’s office to his room. And definitely not when he laid down in his bed, loosening the tie, staring up at the ceiling. He dragged his hands through his hair and just wondered. What had he done.

If it were up to Robert, the kiss would never end. Time would stand still, and he could stay here in Cassius’ arms with their lips and bodies pressed together. The man was used to getting his way, but alas, not in this moment. Suddenly, Cassius pulled back. Both his lips and arms withdrew from Robert.

At first, the passionate relief lingered within Robert. He opened his eyes to meet Cassius’ with a baffled smile. He expected Cassius to meet him with the same expression. That they would connect over the absurd but captivating moment, and that they then would continue their kiss – by Iosta, Robert hoped they could continue that kiss.

But Cassius didn’t smile when he looked at him, and Robert’s own smile quickly disappeared. The guilt in his eyes… why was he feeling guilty? Robert thought, but then he realized that wasn’t the right question. The question he should ask was: why didn’t he feel guilty?

Cassius averted his gaze, and even though Robert kept his eyes on him, the connection between them was long gone, as was the freeing sensation Robert had felt seconds before. Robert held his breath, as he stared at the stuttering warlock in front of him. He didn’t say anything – he had nothing to say.

I need to go, Cassius said, and in his mind Robert agreed. He needed him to go, because for some irrational reason he wanted him to stay.

When the man looked at him, Robert’s eyes finally hit the carpet floor beneath them. He stood still, not looking up as Cassius walked past him, still not looking up when his footsteps could no longer be heard. It wasn’t guilt that roamed inside of him; it was more so a sense of self-consciousness, as someone might feel when accidentally tripping over one’s shoelaces in public.

What had he been thinking? No – he hadn’t been thinking. He just reacted, instinctively. Wait no, that was even worse! Robert shook his head, shook off the embarrassment. At least no one saw it. No one but Cassius himself, but he seemed just as mortified as Robert, so Robert doubted he would say anything. For some reason, that thought didn’t make him feel better.

He didn’t look down the broader hallway leading to the exit, to which Cassius must have headed. Instead, he took a sharp right and walked towards the great hall, back to his party. On his way, he fixed his tie that had come slightly undone. He wasn’t going to look messy at his own birthday party. No way. Before reaching the party, Robert made sure that everything about him looked perfect.