Mildly embarrassing voicemails

Voicemail received 03:12 December 9th 2011

“Hex, Heccy, Hector, what is up, my dude? Here comes your semi-regular check-in from that loser you used to date. How have you been? Or… well… I don’t know why I asked like you’ll respond. Not that I don’t want you to, by the way. You can still call me back anytime, you know? If you don’t hate me, that is… In which case, I don’t want to know. Well, okay, I do want to know… I hope you don’t hate me, though. But I guess I get it if you do.”

“Anyways. It is currently… 03:12, which is pretty late. I tried going to bed earlier, but, you know. I mean, you’d think getting medicated for hyper-energia would help with the restlessness, hah. What brand did they put you on? I’m on some generic Kozlov thing. Carbitaxime-something-or-other. I don’t know, I don’t speak medicine. Or Ydsian. It’s kinda shit, though. Well, less shit than policing. Can’t win ‘em all. Mom doesn’t really understand why I take ‘em. Or talk to that shrink. But she also never really got the GW-system. Don’t think I ever truly did either to be real with you, but that’s neither here nor there. But she has this whole other way of viewing the world, you know? My mom, I mean. Like her and dad grew up way different. So it’s all pretty Delianistic and about balance and they think the problem is that being a godia is unnatural and well, what do I know, but I don’t think that’s it? She takes me to see this healer sometimes, who is so fucking strange, and she makes these tonics that kinda taste like a mouthful of mud, but it gives her peace of mind, so what can you do, really.”

“They’re also looking into talking to a matchmaker so I can find ‘a nice girl’ or whatever and I don’t really know how to tell them that, you know… hah, well, you definitely know. But yeah. That’s a bit of a pickle. But I shouldn’t complain about my parents, they really are just doing their best and I really am just sitting around doing nothing like a lazy piece of shit. I think I might be a bad son or something… I should try harder to get a job, maybe... Or somewhere else to live...”

“But I didn’t really call just to complain about having parents who care about me. I don’t know why I called. I have a date tomorrow. Don’t know why I’m telling you that… well, we haven’t spoken in a year, I assume we aren’t together anymore? Again, you maybe hating me and all that. Guess if you called me back I could cancel it. Or, I don’t know. Type 1 if you don’t want to see me dating other people? …”

“... Okay. Well, anyways, his name is Cecil. Former friend of Oliver from unit 2 and apparently we hate the same people, so that might be fun. If I actually get some sleep tonight. But it’s not you, though, so I don’t know how fun it will be. Sorry, that sounded sad and stupid. Are you dating again? Once again, type 1 if you are… “

“I still miss you, for what it’s worth. But yeah, dating probably is better than rotting in my parents house… I’m sorry for telling you that. Last thing you wanna hear is probably how your loser ex is dating other people… Assuming you care about me at all. I should try sleeping again… ”

“Do you ever feel totally lost, Hex? Like, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Sorry, that got deep. I mean, but I do. Like what fucking now, you know? And I’m just, I miss you, you know? And like, it’s been a year and I shouldn’t be upset about this anymore and… and I really wish you would, I don’t know, talk to me? About what happened? You just… you just disappeared and I don’t know, I don’t blame you, but like, I’m a bit mad about that, I think? Not at you, though, I… Please don’t think I blame you. I just. Fuck. I wish you’d talk to me.”

“... This is embarrassing. Goodnight.”


Voicemail received 02:08 March 14th 2012

“Hey Hex, it’s me again. It’s been a while. I’m a bit drunk, sorry if I slur. And for calling you again. I was just on my way home and well, I thought ‘hey I haven’t been sufficiently embarrassing tonight, let’s end it on a real awkward note’ so, hello. Su Vexta, I really hope you don’t actually listen to these. Or maybe I do? Am I a masochist? Is that what this is?…”

“Anywho, Joanne is getting married. You know, from unit 4? The one with that awful dye-job? Got the invite yesterday and I thought it would be fun to go together. Though I suppose you might hate her after, well… I mean, I get it, that wasn’t a nice thing to call us. But ya know, we could go, like as a prank or something, I don’t know. Make fun of them all afterwards like we used to do… That was just a thought, anyways. I don’t know what I’m saying. Guess you would need to return my call if we’re gonna do that… I probably won’t go without you. If you wanna know. Or, I mean, I could ask Gail, but… I’m being stupid again... I’m sorry for spamming you. I’d say it won’t happen again but it probably will. Don’t know why. You’ve probably moved on by now, right? Wherever you are…I probably should too. Dunno how, though...”

“Anyways, good news, Cecil offered to move in with him and the guys. You know, that person I told you about? He’s a good kisser. Well, not as good as you. Or, well, maybe it’s just that I like kissing people... But yeah, he offered that and you know, I’m tired of living with my parents so I might do it. I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with my parents. They’re lovely, it’s just. Well. I mean, they mean well. I suppose everyone always means well. It’s just, I need to get out on my own, you know? Move on and whatever, like you have. Don’t think it’s like relationship-y either. With Cecil, I mean. He’s not the type, I just think they need an extra roommate. Could be fun.”

“But oh well. I’m almost home now, so. This has been embarrassing voicemail number, uh, well, a lot. And I’m sorry, again… I know I’m being stupid. I am stupid. I hope… well, I just pray you’re alright out there. I love you. And… sorry. Again. And sorry for apologizing so much and then not stopping doing the thing I keep apologizing for. I kinda suck, but you know that. I’m also sorry for that, for sucking and not in a good way. Well, I suppose in a good way too. Hah. Get it?...”

“Okay, no, I’m done being funny now. Sorry. Anyways. Just wanted to tell you that. Bye, Hex.”