Academy days

[2007]
Those days, the natural world had been so alive. Before everything had gotten complicated, before power suppressants and hyper-energia and compulsory therapy. The cool ocean breeze through blades of grass, the gentle hum of the earth below, the smell of the spring flowers blooming all around – everything was a buzz of latent energy. In the sanctuary of Thelmian National Park sat two godias. Hector's eyes wistfully fixed on some faraway point near the ocean, while Hazel was busy gathering flowers.

“ – So anyways, the flowers all hold some sort of meaning, right? I, uh, don’t really remember them all, but basically, then you start weaving them together, like so,”Hazel spoke, an unending stream of words as he demonstrated how to weave the blue with the purple before incorporating the pink.  "And the trick is to never mess up the pattern so that two flowers of the same color end up side by side – that's bad luck, you see; it messes up the balance of it. Or something like that. I don't know; I didn't listen well when Vuelua explained that part either."

Hazel glanced at the other boy, willing his brows not to furrow with worry. From the paleness of Hector’s face to the dark shadows under his eyes, it was evident that this was not one of his good days. So skipping drills and taking a day off to enjoy the first truly warm day of the season, it was probably a good call, despite the reprimand that would undoubtedly be waiting for them later. It was just that Hazel hated seeing Hector like this – he knew the bad periods came and went, but he looked like a ghost of himself. He tore his gaze away from the sad-looking boy and focused on his weaving. He could ask about it, of course, what was making Hector feel so down all the time – but how? And he didn't want him to feel worse. So, Hazel continued speaking, because even if Hector's gaze was far away, he knew he was listening:

“But yeah, then you start incorporating the – well, traditionally it would be yellow teniarians, but we don’t have those since they only grow in Maar Pore, I think? I’m using daffodils instead. So anyways, you incorporate the daffodils, like so.” Hazel brows furrowed in concentration as he weaved. “And, uh, basically this is something that’s used in weddings. It originated in Ilgazi and is usually made by the matchmakers as a gift to couples to be. Like a way of saying to the gods to protect them and to bring their energy in balance, I think? Everything is about balance. So anyways when it’s done, it should look something like–” Hazel lifted the piece to assess the quality. “Well. I mean, prettier than this, but something like it.”

Hazel grinned and turned towards Hector. Though his gaze was on him for a moment and there was an inkling of a smile on his lips, it didn't last. Hazel frowned as Hector returned to staring at his spot on the horizon. Hazel looked at the flowers in his hands, turning the crown around, inspecting his work. It perhaps wasn't the prettiest crown in the world, but the thought still mattered. And if everything was about balance and being blessed by the gods and whatnot and Hector was so sad all the time, well – Hazel turned towards his boyfriend once again, placing the crown on top of Hector's head. "Here."

Hector’s full attention was now on Hazel, eyes widened in surprise. The two sat like that, staring at each other for a moment. Unsurely, Hazel placed his hand on top of Hector’s. “You know you’ll always have me, right? I’m right here.”

And for a moment, it looked like Hector could cry, and Hazel frowned because he really hadn't meant to make the man feel worse. So, before he could open his big mouth and say something stupid again, he did the only thing he could think of that would shut himself up – he leaned in and pressed his lips to Hector's.


[January 2011]
“I honestly dunno which one is more disgusting,” Justin said jokingly, holding up his beer towards Hazel. “That you like making out with dudes or that that dude is Hector.”

A roar of laughter sounded from the other guys and Hazel felt like a deer stuck in the headlights. What else could he do but laugh along? He glanced apologetically at Hector, but he was looking pointedly the other way – and this was all really going terribly as this had been Hazel’s idea to show Hector that the others weren’t so bad. And that perhaps having been outed wasn’t so bad but this was pretty bad and Hazel didn’t know what to say or do to make it be less bad.

“By Iosta, it’s a joke, Hector,” Justin said, beer can slamming on the table as he stood up and started approaching Hector and Hazel’s heart pounded so loud in his chest that he was sure the whole room could hear. “Did I hurt your delicate feelings? Huh? Are you gonna cry like a bitch? I mean, everyone knows it’s a fucking joke! Just look at your boyfriend.” Justin pointed to Hazel and his heart started pounding ten times louder. “You know it’s a joke, right?”

Hazel felt frozen, his grip tightening around the edges of his chair till his knuckles were white. He didn't know what to say; everyone's eyes were on him, and that included Hector, who looked at him so pleadingly but also everyone else, and Hazel didn't know what to say or do to make it stop.

“Who cares, Justin,” Sophie said with a roll of her eyes.

“No, I wanna make a point,” Justin retorted. “You know it’s a joke. Right, Hazel?”

“I, uh,” Hazel tried, and he knew he should say or do something. Hector's eyes were still locked so intensely on him, but so were Justin's and everyone else's, and what did he say or do when everyone wanted to hear him say something different? He swallowed, unable to meet Hector's gaze any longer from the sheer guilt. “Sure.”

“See, Hector? You have got to learn to be less sensi– hey, where are you going?”

The door slammed after Hector and Hazel's stomach dropped. Without even thinking he was on his feet and after him, excusing himself with a quick “I’ll be right back.”


“Hex,” Hazel called out, catching up and placing a hand on the shoulder of the other to stop him. “Hector–“

“What?!”

Hazel flinched when Hector turned, thundering anger in his eyes. Hazel swallowed, frowned, looked down at the floor in shame before willing himself to meet Hector’s gaze. “I-I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry.”

"I… I just thought that maybe they would… I-I just," Hazel's voice broke, but he had to pull himself together as this was no about him and this was not him being targeted. But how could he convince Hector that the others didn't mean any harm? He took a breath, pulling himself together, and maybe Hazel was fooling himself, but it almost looked like Hector's gaze softened a bit. "I'm just sorry. Are you okay? Let's do something together instead, just you and me. How does that sound?"

Hector looked thoughtful for a moment, before opening his mouth, about to respond, but–

“Hazel, Justin wanted to know when you were coming back.”  Hazel turned to find Joanne standing there, looking disinterested as always, besides the hard sideways glance she briefly sent Hector's way.

“I, uh. I’ll be right there.”

She nodded once before leaving and when Hazel turned, Hector was gone for good.